So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
