I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
