Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
