you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
