wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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