Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
