You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
COCAINE IS GR8
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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