So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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