I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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