Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
