Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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