addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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