her vagine was all disorganized.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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