I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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