i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
