i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
