Whoa Z and x make the same sound
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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