I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
