I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
