I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
