Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Four minutes until I can fart!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
