Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sarcasm needs its own font
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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