I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
