I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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