I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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