it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
