maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
