My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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