She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
