gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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