you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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