her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
