At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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