Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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