I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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