I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
