I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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