If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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