OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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