i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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