Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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