ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
