i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So apparently I’m into choking now
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