I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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