Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
