i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ttyl tear gas
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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