I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
