I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you never un-have a 4some
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
