I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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