theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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