better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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