CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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