Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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