Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
