so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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