I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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