brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
