I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
