Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
