I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
