is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
