Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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