No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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