I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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